Getting back into it…

I’ve been taking things slowly with Alyssa since my operation as I’m still feeling uncomfortable, if at times, in a bit of pain still. I haven’t been able to manage the full 12 hour + days I was spending with her pre-op and am gradually building back up to that. I stayed with her for a couple of hours yesterday and headed home early for a rest. Today I skipped the early morning feed which gave me until 11am to get there and I left after feeding her at 6pm, but I was so exhausted by that time and in quite a bit of pain. I tried to give her a bath this morning but the position I was standing in to hold her was really painful so it was a quick wash and dry before having a breastfeed and a snoozy snuggle on the bed. Alyssa didn’t complain! I woke up after having her asleep on my stomach for a couple of hours in significant discomfort but I’m sure she’s missed me while I’ve been gone because she’s so grizzly unless I’m cuddling her or at least in her sights. Even just standing and rocking her to sleep before I came home was too much to bear so I’m taking a late morning again tomorrow and hopefully I’ll make it from 11 to the later feed around 8pm.

Alyssa and Natalie

We had a second visit from Natalie this afternoon. Last time her cuddle was cut short by the nurses whisking Alyssa off to insert another cannula, so today we were in luck and the only thing pulling Alyssa away from her cuddles with Natalie was her ravenous desire to drain Mummy of her milk supply. After not seeing Natalie since uni, it’s been so lovely having her support during these difficult days and I have to apologise for the ordinary photo – this camera just has nothing on my Mum’s camera which she so kindly lent us for the past month or so.

We’re hoping Alyssa will be home with us soon. She had yet another cannula inserted yesterday when the other one tissued and the doctor wasn’t able to find the correct sized long line to put in so they’ve ordered one from Sydney. It’s due to arrive tomorrow and they’ll wait until this IV packs it in before attempting a long line. The doctor said they hoped it would then last her two weeks but they told us she would only need another two weeks one full week ago. Now I know my maths isn’t brilliant but I thought that meant we only had one week left, not another two. So once again, we’re left just playing each day by ear and not getting our hopes up as to when they’ll give her the all clear and send us on our way home, but christmas is catching up fast. If we’re still stuck in hospital over christmas, then I know we’ll get through but I am secretly hoping for a wonderful family reunion for christmas day celebrations.

december-2008-0331We even attempted to bring some normality into our lives and with me being home so early yesterday evening, we set the christmas tree up. Liam really didn’t know why we were doing it, or what purpose it serves, but he wasn’t complaining as he attempted to hang tree ornaments and sneakily removing them before asking me to rehang them somewhere else. I think he was pretty impressed. I wonder about the reaction when presents start to appear under the tree – that’s if I actually get time to do any christmas shopping – another reason to get Alyssa home with us soon. It will be much easier to pop into town to do some shopping when I can take her with me – that way I won’t be worrying about getting back in time for a feed, I’ll be free to sit and do it anywhere, anytime. I’m looking forward to it.

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4 responses to “Getting back into it…

  1. Dear Donna,

    You will get through this! I remember how frustrated I was when I was in a similar position, how _disappointed_ I was every time the discharge date was pushed back yet again… but that day will come, and it will be _good_ 😀

    All the best to you and yours,
    Steve

  2. Natalie Polis

    It was lovely to have a long cuddle with Alyssa 🙂

    We put our tree up last night too. Benjamin was more interested in the coloured lights we hung across the window. He kept repeating “oh wow.. look”.

  3. Thanks Steve – those negative thoughts of ‘we’ll never get her home’ are starting to creep into my head and I’m trying desperately to push it all away because I know we will when the time is right. Those hospital walls are starting to close in around me again I think – after having the break with my op and coming back into it, it’s like going back all over again.

  4. Yeah… cabin fever, I swear. It really go to me when I was there. Be sure to take plenty of long walks outside, otherwise you might get depressed like I did and stay inside all the time, which then made me more depressed…

    If nothing else, keep posting! That will distract you! 🙂

    *hugs*

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